i'm die(t)ing

if I were in a relationship with you and things were maybe on the rocks and you said to me..

"sweetheart, i'm just wondering, have you been thinking a lot about us lately??"

I would say

.

nope

so you can stop wondering

this is serious.

so tomorrow I am supposed to dress up for our school halloween party. help me to decide which person to be!!

#1#2

#3#4

#5

#6

#7

haha. the last one on the right. so serious!

but for real, which one do you think?

I love halloween

bad news barbara here.

so. here I go. I never wished this upon myself seeing as though car accidents freak the heck out of me.  I have never gotten in a major one.  until last Thursday night. yuck. I hope it is a very very very long time before I experience something like this again. 

here is how it went.

I was driving up to surprise someone that lives 2 hours away.. and just about 2 miles before I got to my final destination I decided to go around a corner a little too fast and ignore the fact that I was on a very slippery rocky road.  As I was sliding out of control I realized.. yep.. I was doomed.  right through a barbwire fence I went and into a ditch.  It happened so fast.  I remember it all so clear though.  It was so loud! everything was so loud! the sound of my head hitting the steering wheel was probably the loudest. luckily I remained countious so I was able to call for help.

  Can I just say how lucky I felt that night.  I said a billion prayers that night thanking the heavens that I did not land upside down in that ditch.  Too many times I have closed my eyes and I will start picturing it being so much worse and me being stuck under my car in that dang ditch.. in the middle of NO WHERE I must add.

to make that more real. the only thing around me was fields and cows that were escaping because I just knocked down the fence that kept them in.

haha.ha

anyway, I just have to keep reminding myself...

I am okay!

I really am! I called the person I was supposed to be surprising.. and said.."SURPRISE! this is not a joke, hurry, I am in a ditch 2 miles from your house... HURRYYYYYYY"

I was banned from surprising that person.

it is kind of funny now. looking back on it. not really. but kind of.

here are some pictures of my poor baby (my car)

gross I know. but come on.. had to show some of my battle wounds!

but look! it's fading!! woot!!

worst part: my car is totaled. TOTALED. I wasn't planning on going car shopping.  but. bring it on I guess!

this again

The other day someone asked me... are you available?? .... wishing I could say no. (yes, you heard me right.) I said.. "not taken but not available." 

this makes sense to me.

I had a break from this whole single/blind dating/awkward thing for awhile.  

& boy am I not excited to be back. yuck.

wondering if a strange number calling me is that boy who that someone gave my number to.. who is calling to maybe..... umm...... ask me out on a date??  I forgot how to do this. & I really do not want to do this.  

Everytime I talk to someone of the opposite sex now I feel so uncomfortable and I crack these awkward jokes that aren't funny and I can't stand talking to them and I all of the sudden make myself feel so stupid and want to run away.  This happens way.too.much.

example.

him: hi.

me: hi.

him: how are you??

me: good. (lie)

him: cool..... I was wondering if I could maybe take you out tomorrow??

me: no

him: the next day?

me: no

him: the next?

me: umm. I spend a lot of time with my family.. let me check with my dad and see if I will be able to go out with you this weekend.

(check with my dad????) since when do I check with my dad to get the okay?? did I really just say that?? not that I care what he thinks one bit.. but I AM RETARDED

there is something about being so comfortable with that one person and then waking up one day and not having them... you all of the sudden don't know how to communicate with anyone else...

or maybe it's just me.

but heavens,  if you are reading this 'him' .. better that you just save your time/money at the moment.

bottom line.

I am not taken anymore. (very) sad story. but I sure as heck am not available.

and probably won't be. for while. or at least until I can not act like I'm 5. 

p.s. to all of you that are happily married and don't have to deal with this.

.I love you, but I don't have to like you right now.

saturday morning laziness.

Today is saturday. I am laying in my sister's bed as she is getting ready to go to her tennis match to (cross our fingers) beat OREM to be 1st in region. Then onto state next week! we are so proud of you Bays!!

anyway.

I am laying here listening to music watching her get ready . She asks me.....

"Maddie, what do you think I could have done better yesterday in my match.. what advice do you have for me going into today's match?"

(I wanted to be a good sister, so I was trying to think of something to say.. as the memories all flashed through my head of my family laughing at me every time I have picked up a tennis racket. I was always the sister that no body wanted to be paired up with on the tennis court... it became a family joke almost..) so I tried to think of SOMETHING to say that would be serious older sister advice...

"you know Bays, (such a serious voice) ....pause... (thinking) ... just be ready for those balls."

.... it was silent....

and then we both just busted up laughing.

what do I know?? besides the fact that I am dang good at wii tennis..

nothing.

GOOD LUCK BAYS!!