this again

The other day someone asked me... are you available?? .... wishing I could say no. (yes, you heard me right.) I said.. "not taken but not available." 

this makes sense to me.

I had a break from this whole single/blind dating/awkward thing for awhile.  

& boy am I not excited to be back. yuck.

wondering if a strange number calling me is that boy who that someone gave my number to.. who is calling to maybe..... umm...... ask me out on a date??  I forgot how to do this. & I really do not want to do this.  

Everytime I talk to someone of the opposite sex now I feel so uncomfortable and I crack these awkward jokes that aren't funny and I can't stand talking to them and I all of the sudden make myself feel so stupid and want to run away.  This happens way.too.much.

example.

him: hi.

me: hi.

him: how are you??

me: good. (lie)

him: cool..... I was wondering if I could maybe take you out tomorrow??

me: no

him: the next day?

me: no

him: the next?

me: umm. I spend a lot of time with my family.. let me check with my dad and see if I will be able to go out with you this weekend.

(check with my dad????) since when do I check with my dad to get the okay?? did I really just say that?? not that I care what he thinks one bit.. but I AM RETARDED

there is something about being so comfortable with that one person and then waking up one day and not having them... you all of the sudden don't know how to communicate with anyone else...

or maybe it's just me.

but heavens,  if you are reading this 'him' .. better that you just save your time/money at the moment.

bottom line.

I am not taken anymore. (very) sad story. but I sure as heck am not available.

and probably won't be. for while. or at least until I can not act like I'm 5. 

p.s. to all of you that are happily married and don't have to deal with this.

.I love you, but I don't have to like you right now.